Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
Your mum's foreheads.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Mum: Why are you throwing a paper plane at the twins?
Me: 😈
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
Your mum eats cabbage.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
Your mum's so fat, she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck going down.
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.
Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
Your mom dot com.
