Mum

Mum jokes

Poo

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

Batman

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Kid

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Time

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

God

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Chair

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Beer

The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.

Competition

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Lard

What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?

Your mum!!!