Mum jokes

Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

Your mum eats cabbage.

Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Your mum's foreheads.

Your mum is stupid, just like you.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?

Your mum!!!

My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.