Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
Your mum's so fat, she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck going down.
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
Your mum eats cabbage.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
