Mum

Mum jokes

God

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Batman

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Birth Certificate

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

Scale

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

Beer

The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.

Poo

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

Chair

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Father

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!