Movie jokes

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.

"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:

......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....

STUMP: TEENY DICK

BUMP: TINY TIT

GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP: AN ASS

DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --

JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!

.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............

(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')

"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"

(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."

What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?

If you throw water over them, they both die...

What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?

Hans Solo.

What did the porg say to the porg?

Hi Porg.

You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!

Yo mama is so ugly, she gave Michael Myers nightmares.

What’s your favorite type of wood? Mine is Bollywood.

I saw Simba walking slowly.

I told him "Mufasa!"

They are making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time.

If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?

Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.

What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.

What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?

Survival Guilt.

Some man was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.

What's green and furry?

Fiona from Shrek.

What lives on the forest floor?

Forest Gump.

Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.

Have you seen the new movie "Constipated"?

No, it hasn't come out yet.