Movie jokes
Why don't Jedis make puns that often?
They usually have to force them. (I hate myself for that!)
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?
A: I find your lack of face disturbing.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
Batman vs Superman?
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
My favorite Pixar film: Wall-E.
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
"(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic:
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP" . . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL!!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse!! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS!! ..... sniff, sniff........ Ewww!" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk!". . . I better go, 'cause I just went!! ..... Ha! ha! ha!" . . . "Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen! Good Night!!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY!!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen."
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves? Hans Solo.
What did the porg say to the porg?
Hi Porg.
You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!