Morbid jokes
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
It's not a joke.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
I love telling jokes about orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?