Morbid jokes

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

Why did Billy fall off his bike?

Because his dad threw a chair at him.

Knock knock?

Who's there?

Willis.

Willis who?

Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!

So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?

A feminist.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;

What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

What's harder than steel?

Michel Jackson in an orphanage.

Quiet kid: "I'm home!"

Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"

Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.

What's the best thing about 28 year olds?

- There's 20 of them.