Morbid jokes
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
What's black and white?
History.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.