Morbid jokes
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them.