Morbid jokes
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
Why are Americans bad chess players? They lost two towers.
Lol, these jokes have been heard millions of times.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.