Morbid Jokes

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?

Fingering A minor.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."