Morbid jokes

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

I like my people how I like my tea...

In a bag under water.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?

Fingering A minor.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.