Morbid Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. Its kinda creepy.

Q:What comes before 47?

A: AK

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.

How do you make a pink smurf

You peel the skin off

my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”

I told my mother i wanted a brother for Christmas The next day i saw her in the strip club across the street

I hate it when people are at my house and ask “do you have a bathroom?” What answer Are they expecting “no, we pee in the yard”

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737 - 800 which can carry around 300 passengers...

It crashed in a cemetery

They recovered 500 bodies

a leaf and a emo fall from a tree who its the ground first...

the leaf the rope stopped the emo

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I like my people how I like my tea..

In a bag under water.

A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"