Morbid jokes
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."