Morbid jokes
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.