Morbid jokes

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

Would you like to try African food?

They would too.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

What do you call a group of emos? Suicide Squad.

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.

Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?

Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.

So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?

An orphan.

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?

Who else would think of adding gas?

My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."