A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f... the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black
“I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, ‘You’re next.’ So I started doing the same to them at funerals, ‘You’re next.’”
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them…
But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.
That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
How did Helen keller’s mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.