My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.

When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f... the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”f... off you won’t bring it back!”

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies

I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage

my grandpa has a world record for holding his breathe… hes been holding it for 6 years.

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, “soon, my brother.”

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his ass.

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!

Children should never run with scissors and lesbians should never scissor with the runs