Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

What’s a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f... the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words.

His response was “Ho ho ho”

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Please End My Depression And Suffering

my grandpa has a world record for holding his breathe… hes been holding it for 6 years.

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, “soon, my brother.”

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

How did Helen keller’s mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”f... off you won’t bring it back!”

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.