Morbid jokes
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.