Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them…
But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
How did Helen keller’s mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”
What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.
That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
What’s the difference between a black & a white fairy tail? White begins, “Once upon a time…” Black begins, " Yall mutherf...ers aint gonna believe dis shit"
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the coroner.
“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”
The inspector then asks, “What about the third body?”
“Ah,” says the coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”
“Why is he smiling then?” asks the inspector.
“He thought he was having his picture taken.”