There’s no “I” in team but there is a “U” in cunt

I wanted to see if she was Anorexic, So I through a Funyun at her to see if she’d use it as a Hula hoop or inhale it.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

Would you like to try African food??

They would too.

Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

what turns red, blue then white? the last person that I’d strangle

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

Steven Hawking said there is no God, Then God said there is no Steven Hawking

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.

Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he’s still trying to back out of the driveway.

Teacher: Kids what are something you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friend to make me happy. Teacher: What about you Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy…

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words.

His response was “Ho ho ho”

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Susie.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

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