Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

What’s a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

Mama Mia’s pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.

Without women sex would be a pain in the ass

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

Children should never run with scissors and lesbians should never scissor with the runs

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his ass.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

Its sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as- wild dogs

Would you like to try African food??

They would too.