Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them and now it’s a sensitive subject

What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

There are some sounds that everyone loves…

  • Shoes on gravel
  • Crackling of fire
  • The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
  • Cats purring

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f... the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

my grandpa has a world record for holding his breathe… hes been holding it for 6 years.

How did Helen keller’s mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, “soon, my brother.”

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia