Morbid Jokes

How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 2 Step 6,7,8 9,10

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"

Its sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as- wild dogs

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”fuck off you won’t bring it back!”

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.