“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.

Children should never run with scissors and lesbians should never scissor with the runs

What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.

20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ¨explain the dildo prick¨ the husband says ¨explain the children bitch

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”f... off you won’t bring it back!”

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f... the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, “soon, my brother.”

“I’m sorry” and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Susie.

I was excited my teacher asked my for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

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