I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”
My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying "b positive b positive" but its hard to be positive with him gone
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
A man gats kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon" next to all of the chalk outlines
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn't have a homepage.
3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn't pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie.
