Morbid jokes
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gang rape.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
*School shooting happens* Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk* American student: "First time?"