How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he's sitting the the doctor's office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain ? The wall behind him.
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
when you loose a game of Kahoot so you kashoot up the school
My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. -- She was eaten by a giant crab.
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
A Pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers, the passenger asks, "Why did you become a Pilot?" The Pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says "You're afraid of heights?". "No, i'm afraid of dying alone".
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
