What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split it blew them all away?
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? RC-XD incoming.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass
What’s Bin Laden’s favourite drink? Double Manhattan.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are a fine African meal." then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, "what poor taste?"
Why is the leaning tower of Pizza leaning?
It has better reflexes than the twin towers.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
