Morbid Jokes

what's green then red all over and goes 100mph?

a frog in a blender

I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

“Don’t be dumb,make sure she’s numb” - bill cosby

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if its poisoned.

then the antidote becomes the most important

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain ? The wall behind him.

what did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? same time next month?

What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he's sitting the the doctor's office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "well, at least I don't have cancer."

What do you call a white man surrounded by black men. Coach

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

How did Helen keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)

What is long and not hairy??

The congo line in the cancer department

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion