Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
Did you here about pillsbery dough boy he died of a yeast infection
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. -- She was eaten by a giant crab.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice
Knock knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said that you would never forget
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head
-JFK
what type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole:
A pedophile
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
I do t get why cancer is so hard to beat. I’m already on stage 4
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
