Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

9/11

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

Chili

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"

The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."

  • 6
  • Word

    I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

    Baby

    Babies can spread a nasty smell,

    especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

  • 3
  • Dark Humor

    Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

    Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

    Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

    Dad: "Exactly, son."

    Hitler

    Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

    Bone

    Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.

    Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

  • 5
  • Wife

    My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

    Funeral

    What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?

    She was too young.

  • 2
  • Brick

    Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

    Teacher: 502.

    Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

    Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

    Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

    Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

    Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

    Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

    Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

    Teacher: let me guess the lion?

    Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

    Teacher: WOW!

    Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

    Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

    Student: The gators are at the party.

    Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

    Teacher: She drowned?!

    Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

    Pedophile

    What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?

    A pedophile.

  • 3
  • Dad

    I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.

    He didn't show up for the rest of the year.