Morbid jokes
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.
Amanda Bynes is a lush blond who has quickly become a blond lush.
Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"
Where did daddy cum in the bed?...
Everywhere!
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Me starts a cult just for fun... Just for fun!
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.