Morbid jokes
Why did LazarBeam kiss a man?
Because he couldn't kiss Fresh; he was already gay.
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
This joke is short... like your dick!
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
What do you call a gay person in Antarctica?
Bi-Polar.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
So I went to a mall and I was finna buy something... and I saw a little boy and he said "hello," so then I passed by him and he said "hi," and I was like "hi nigga," and he said, "um, just wondering something... I mean I like jokes, but what is dark humor?" And I was like "umm🤔.. it's like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy without legs? Tell him to stand up"... and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"... aight nigga peace and look out😏😉
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.