Morbid jokes
Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
Amanda Bynes is a lush blond who has quickly become a blond lush.
Where did daddy cum in the bed?...
Everywhere!
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Me starts a cult just for fun... Just for fun!
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!