Morbid jokes
Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!
Bob Weir: Where are you going?
Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈
An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
pussi
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane?
Plane pizza.
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
Stormtroopers, I guess they never miss, huh?
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
The granddaughter wanted to see granny. She killed herself.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.
Deeeeeertt.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.