Morbid jokes
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
when the sus.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
My favorite website.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
Help me...
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
What do you call your sister who only has one leg?
Ei-lean.
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.
Me: Hi, my name is...
Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?
Me: Hey, stop dude!
Bro: How is it going, bro--
Me: SHUT UP!
Bro: Is that a gun?
Me: *Pointing at bro*
Bro: Dude, I'm...
Me: *BANG* *BANG*
Me: Finally, it's over.