Morbid Jokes

Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.

*Takes huge bite of air.*

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.

These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"

The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"

Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,

"Thank you for your donation!"

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

Why did half of the world go to hell?

Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.

(You've been warned!)

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What did the girl get for Christmas?

Cancer.

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.

when the sus.

I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.

Help me...