Morbid jokes
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.
We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"
Tell me orphan jokes are a really bad joke. People are really orphans, and there is a lot of 'em, and they are all depressed. Who would make fun of depressed people? Well, those dumbass evil people!!
What's the difference between Andy and acne?
Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.
Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!
Women, go chop some lumber!
White people, get back into the cotton fields!
I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
Fortnite
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
My life...
Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.