Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Hunter

What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?

They both make terrible hunters.

Ass

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

Lettuce

"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

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  • Flip-flop

    So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.

    Sacrifice

    A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"

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  • Guy

    So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"

    Mime

    I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

    What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

    Nemo

    What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

    Child

    My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

    Baby

    What happens when you put a baby in a blender?

    The baby is a cherry smoothie.

    Life

    I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

    History

    So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"