Morbid jokes

I give props to pedophiles.

They always go slow in the school zones.

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?

Cut.

Riddle me this. Riddle me that.

Why did my parents never come back?

Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.

Mom: No, honey, I killed him.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?

Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.

Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

How do you make a baby cry?

You run over it with a lawn mower.

After the drive-by, Tupac became known as Pewpac.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?

"Can I have a bodybag?"

KATGOD HERE IS A NEW CHAT BOX!