Morbid jokes
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What does this mean? 👊🥩
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!
Rock, paper, lesbians.
Someone dies.
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
Method Man: Yo what’s crackin’?
ODB: Yep