Morbid jokes
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
Like if you blow male cows?
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."
Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.
"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?
"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.
Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.
Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"
Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Your reflection.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
A man walks into a bar.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".