Morbid jokes

I named my dog Chicken.

I love eating chicken.

How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.

Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.

What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.

What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?

They both make terrible hunters.

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"

So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Space therapist in between the e and the r.

The rapists!

I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.

Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

What happens when you put a baby in a blender?

The baby is a cherry smoothie.