Morbid jokes
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
When a white person says the n word,
black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Have you heard of the movie "Constipation"?
No?
Because it hasn't come out yet.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
If 7 8 9, why was 10 scared?
Because he was between 9 11.
People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."
Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.
"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?
"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.
Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.
Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"
Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."