Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Autism

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Assassination

What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?

Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.

Cheese grater

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

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  • Difference

    Whats the difference between NASA and religion

    NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers

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  • Family

    A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

    Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

    Hunter

    One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

    Where are the others?

    They're in his freezer.

    Grenade

    Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?

    They'll end up only throwing the pin.

    Bride

    A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

    Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

    "Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

    "You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

    Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

    Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

    Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

    Minefield

    The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"

    The dad: "Everywhere."

    Wife

    What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?

    The first is easier to bury.

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  • Friend

    What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?

    He always needs a hand.

    Friend

    My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

    As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.