Morbid jokes
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage? "Let us prey together."
What do you call a midget with autism?
A weetard.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.
What is the difference between Joe Biden and a knife?
A knife has a point.
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.