Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Plane

Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.

Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱

Girlfriend

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Orphanage

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.

Baby

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Baby

Most people smother babies with love.

I smother them with pillows.

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  • Rape

    What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

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  • Boyfriend

    Elsa got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wanted to try anal.

    She wasn't too keen, but she just lay back and shouted "INTO THE UNKNOWN!"

    Woman

    What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?

    Wrong.

    Pitbull

    What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

    A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.

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  • Fire

    I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

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  • CPR

    I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

    Axe

    "Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

    Suicide

    When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

    Dinosaur

    What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?

    The dinosaur once existed.