Morbid jokes
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"
I screamed "Jenga" today when watching the 9/11 documentary.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Screw anima!
Oh wait, that's called hentai.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
I wish my grass was edgy...
then it would cut itself...
If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)