Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Morbid Jokes
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!
Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?
Because it’s only bad when white people do it.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
