Morbid jokes

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

Why did the frog cross the road?

To show his gang that he had guts.

What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"

I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

A: To hide up cherry trees.

Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

A: Giraffes eating cherries.

People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.

What is the difference between Joe Biden and a knife?

A knife has a point.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?

A school shooting.