Morbid jokes
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.