Morbid jokes

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

Dad: I'm dying.

Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].

Dad: Really, now is not the time.

Son: I'm sorry.

Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)

Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.

My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.

Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.

I speak for the trees.

*Trees whisper in my ear*

They said six million wasn't enough.

I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?

Because it’s only bad when white people do it.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.

The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!

Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.

What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

My father left me at a young age.

He was only five.

You know those paper families you cut out?

Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.