Morbid jokes
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
Can anyone talk with me? Bored...
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, and the middle one is for you.
I'm in school shooting. #USA
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.
If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot.”