Morbid jokes
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.