Morbid jokes

"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To end his pain and suffering.

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

If you're reading this, then your life means nothing...

Have a nice day! 🙂😊

Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.

What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?

A Citroën C4.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.