Morbid jokes
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.