Morbid jokes

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*

What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!