Morbid jokes
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.
A man walks into a bar.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
My life, ha ha funny!
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.
Can anyone talk with me? Bored...
My grandpa died to ligma :(
LIGMA BALLS!
Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...