My life, ha ha funny!
Morbid Jokes
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.
Can anyone talk with me? Bored...
My grandpa died to ligma :(
LIGMA BALLS!
Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...
I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Here's her number.
Sike, that's the wrong number!
ooooooooooooooooooooo
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, they have a British accent.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.
What do you call a train with bubble gum?
A chew chew train.
Oh man, I'm depressed.
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
