Morbid jokes
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Boggy
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
Joke
I'm autistic.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
What makes you think feminists can change anything?
How 9/11 Happened!:
Hey Bush, Truth or dare?
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?
Mum?
Mum?
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.
“You’re right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.
“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.