What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
Morbid Jokes
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
