Morbid jokes
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
*Knock Knock* Who's there? Social Services...
If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?
I have a penis.
How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.
500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.