Morbid jokes
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.
Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Roses are blue, violets are blue.
What? Ohh, shit!!!!!! I hate having dyslexia!
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common? Shooting up schoolchildren.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes? The Inbredibles.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
Your joke: you.
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.