The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
Morbid Jokes
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Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."
