Morbid jokes
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
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What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
Me, my brother, and my dad.
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."