Morbid jokes
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
Your reflection.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
I might have to back down on this because it is usually aimed for little children.
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.
Cut.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!