Morbid jokes
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
"Peppa's ribs."
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
Q: Do you know the quadratic formula?
A: Duhhh!
Comment: Then solve it!
Formula: -b ± √(b2 - 4ac) / 2a
Q: Why are morbid jokes so cruel?
A: Because they are!