Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat!"
Marvin: "I don’t believe that."
Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat!'"
The next morning,
Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"
*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*
Marvin: "Jeffy, I don’t believe you, you pooped in my hat!"
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?
A. They call an AmBOOlance.
Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!
Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.
Me: uses the crucifix.
Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!
What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?
My zipper.
Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!
Big, ugly, and very weird.
SCP-1540 transforms in-front of a d-class:
D-class: Whoa dude, you’re a wolf!
SCP-1540: A am a were.
What do you call a sneaky SCP-096?
The Spy Guy!
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
Q: What do you call a zombie with no mouth?
A: Useless.