Money

Money jokes

Contract

    • ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

    Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

    Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

    Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

    I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

  • 1

    • Job

    • It’s true women do make less money than men.

    But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

  • 2

    • Boy

    • A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

    "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

    "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    The boy licked his cone and replied:

    "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

  • 25
    • Money memes

    Mamma

    • Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.

    Mama

    • Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

    Penny

    • Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

    Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

    Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

    Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

  • 4

    • Piggy Bank

    • I lost $10,000, so I killed my piggy bank, so I get a real pig and money which my money is fake, but the janitor said it is real, so I killed myself and turned into a real human.

    Incest

    • While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

    We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

  • 2

    • Son

    • A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

    Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

    Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

    They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

    The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"

  • 1