Money jokes
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.
If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
Why do people adopt orphans?
They get cash.
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.
The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
Gimme a nickel or I'll tickle your pickle!
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
Why do emo people go to the store with no money?
Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.
Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."
Your mom is so hot, if she had an OnlyFans page, she would get more money than companies during Pride Month.
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.