Money jokes
The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What's the similarity between your money and your life?
It just keeps going down.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
My friend lives in a caravan park. His parents named him Money because they thought it was a type of currency.
Why you should never borrow money from dwarves?
Because they are always short! 😁😁😁😁
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
Hey, I misplaced 2.1 trillion a few days ago, on September 7th, 2001.
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
Just buy KFC. I will give you 40000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999o999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999999999999999999