Mom jokes

Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

I remember my mom's last words before her divorce, "Did you just load in me?"

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

I love my mom.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

I ate my mom.

Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."

Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

Why do orphans not like jokes?

Because they hate your "mom" and "dad" joke because they miss their parents. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

Kid: Mom, do trees poop?

Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.