Mom jokes

I ate my mom.

I love my mom.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.

Kid: Mom, do trees poop?

Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

Your mom has a bone to pick with me.

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

Your hairline is so bad, I do your mom so hard!

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"