Mom Jokes

how did helen kellers mom punish her? rearranged the furniture

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom and they bought pads. The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no and her mom fainted

Child: mom someone told me you talk like an owl

teacher: who

Child: oh it is true you do talk like an owl

A girl walks in the room she asks her my why's my name flower her mom said when you were born a flower fell on your head brick walks in the room jasvidnqzkdvsosbd

last christmas i took a picture of your mom

Its still printing

I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART

If you have a twin sister do you have the same name? Only if you’re mom and dad give you the same name

Me:hey I’m your mom orphan:yay you came back me:sike

One day little johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked what is that daddy. Dad"Oh that's my snake." The next day little johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and askes what is that mom says"that's my bushes" the next day Little johnny cant sleeps so he goes into his parents room and asks dad why is your snake going into moms bushes.

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says,”What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?” The boy cries. Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says,”You gonna tell your mom?”, the little boy says, Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over.

ur mom (idk im bored)

i asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school and she said oh go look in the bathroom above the sink.........there was a mirror

I was digging and found some gold i was going to tall my mom then I remembered why I was digging

wheres your mom

in the bin

Bf:babe do you love me? Gf:of course,why do you ask? bf:i heard that your mom passed away and i went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up and then i remembered why i went to the garden