Mom jokes

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?

Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.

What did the cow say to your mom?

Hello.

What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.