Mom jokes

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

Your mom is so fat she was the reason why the Titanic crashed.

Your mom's so fat, Donald Trump built the wall around her.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

Your mom and your dad.

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

I punched my mom for no freaking reason.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad or mom never came home with the milk.

Me: I will f**k ur mom.

Orphan: I don't have one.

Me: ......

If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Why does the orphan eat water with cereal?

Mom forgot to come back with the milk.

Ur mom.

Oh wait, you don't have one.

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-