Mom jokes

I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.

Your mom.

Your name is baller cuz ur in my mom's baller.

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.

Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.

Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."

My mom is actually a mum! 😱

What did the mom tell her son when he asked for a bowl of cereal? "Sorry your dad wasn't came back with the milk yet."

Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"

Mom: Go water the plants.

Me: But it’s raining outside.

Mom: Go grab the umbrella.

Me: What???

Kid goes to the kitchen.

Mom: What are you doing here?

Kid: Just checking out the knife.

Mom: So you've chosen death.

You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.

They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!

You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

Baby > commits start breathing.

Mom > commits abort.

Baby > commits ohshit.exe

Ur mom, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I have no friends :'(

You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."

Yo momma's so ugly Thanos had to snap twice.

Why does my brother have no mom?

My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.

Why did Mom cross the road?

To kill you!