Mom jokes
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
My step mom walked in naked once. I sky rocketed that day. I was 12.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.
Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
BULLY vs. QUIET KID
Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.
Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.
QUIET KID WINS
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.