Mom jokes

Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.

Kid: You hop to.

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...

An abortion.

Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.

Kid: “What happened to Dad?”

Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”

Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"

Mom: "He got inside a white van."

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

What do you call a boy in your mom?

Your dad.

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!

Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!

The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.

The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.