New Mom Jokes - Page 62 - Worst Jokes Ever

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

yo mom

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

Dad fucked Mom.

Mom fucked son.

Son fucked sister.

Sister fucked dog.

Dog fucked cat.

Cat fucked bird.

Bird fucked fish.

Fish fucked Dad.

Dad really liked it!

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?

A: What.

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.

My mom's name is Angel and she is nothing like one:) Especially in bed...

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"