Misunderstanding jokes

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"

"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.