Miss jokes

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

Why can't an orphan have milk?

His dad didn't come back with the milk.

I miss seeing my friends and teachers.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.

While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!

Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.

I miss understood that, Miss Understood.

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.

What do jokes serve for dessert?

The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."

A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?

My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

Teacher: Jeff, why did you throw a paper plane at the twins?

Jeff: You wouldn't get it, miss.

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