What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
Like if depressed.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
What do you call an emo friend group?
The Suicide Squad.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
What do you call a group of emos about to jump off a bridge? Suicide Squad.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
"Self harm jokes aren't that deep."
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
